Kurt Zellers Confuses and Contradicts

Minnesota House Speaker Rep. Kurt Zellers -- a Republican from Maple Grove by way of Grand Forks -- spent much of this year's legislative session saying nothing of note about the Vikings stadium issue.

Based on his comments Thursday, he probably should have kept it that way.

When it was announced that the $975 million plan to build the Vikings a new stadium in Minneapolis would finally get a vote in the Minnesota House and Senate, Zellers made it abundantly clear that he could not support the bill.

You know, the bill that members of his party helped negotiate and write. That bill.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Zellers then appeared on KFAN with Dan Barreiro Thursday afternoon. Asked about the prospect of the Vikings moving, Zellers admitted he didn't want to see that, called himself a Vikings fan, and then said ...

"That's why we're gonna have a vote on the House floor. Hopefully it will pass, and hopefully the governor will get a chance to sign the bill."

You know, the bill he's not going to vote for. That bill. He's not going to vote for it, but he wants it to pass.

On KFAN (podcast it here), Zellers tried his best to blame Governor Mark Dayton for the bill's struggles, and also did his part to put pressure for the bill's passage on the governor and the legislature's DFL minority.

Yes, you heard that correctly. It's up to the minority party to get a bill passed, according to the House Speaker.

This is your government at work, people. For six years, Democrats and Republicans alike have put off the inevitable -- that the Metrodome would have to be replaced. That a Democrat is a leading force in this particular stadium bill and a Republican has come out vehemently opposed to the bill (while hoping it passes) is simply a factor of timing.

Zellers wants to play the blame game. In doing so, he contradicts himself, both in terms of how people should see this situation, and how he feels about the bill. Seriously, how can you say you want something to pass when you're not going to vote in favor of it? It's confusing and hard to follow, but in the end, it's all about making this stadium a political pawn to get the things passed that Zeller wants.

It's not about blame. The Vikings stadium is simply the government shutdown of 2012. They can't close the government this year (the budget is a two-year cycle), so they need another issue to bicker and blame each other for.

You might remember that -- during the shutdown -- Dayton worked his rear end off, trying to get the majority party to negotiate a budget that all sides could agree upon. In the end, after seeing no progress, Dayton relented and gave the GOP virtually everything the GOP asked for, because the alternative was keeping the government in lockdown mode.

There is no "giving in" this time for Dayton. He sat down with Republican leaders and worked up a stadium bill. Now, one of those Republican leaders is speaking out against the bill.

While hoping it passes.

Just another day in Minnesota politics, I guess.

(You can make your voice heard. Go here, look up your local representative, and make a phone call or write an e-mail. Do not let this pass without making sure you contact your representative. Just please be respectful when you do, no matter your feelings on the issue.)

Vikings Stadium Becomes Political Pawn

Just one week ago, the Minnesota Vikings' push for a new Minneapolis stadium seemed like a legislative priority. It seemed important.

Granted, this all happened after NFL commissioner Roger Goodell visited the Capitol and delivered what one prominent Minnesota politician called a "reality check," but it happened. For a few days after Goodell's visit -- he said there was no threat, but it's clear there was at least an implied threat of franchise relocation, which is not at all desirable in NFL circles because of how valuable they feel the franchise is in its current city -- it seemed politicians cared about this issue for the first time in a long time.

You see, Minnesota's NFL franchise has been trying for over a decade to get a new stadium to replace the antiquated, crappy, and awfully antiquated (did I mention that it's crappy?) Metrodome. Since the funding for Target Field and TCF Bank Stadium was finalized in 2006, ownership has been trying (but ultimately waiting patiently) to get something done.

Until Goodell visited, there was no urgency.

Ten days after Goodell stopped by, the urgency has again departed. Instead, Minnesota's "leadership" has turned the stadium -- and, by extension, the franchise's future in Minnesota -- into just another political pawn.

A chief author of the Minnesota Vikings stadium plan said Sunday it was "very questionable" that the project would win approval unless Gov. Mark Dayton and Republican legislative leaders first reach agreement on other issues.

"Without a global agreement, without an agreement on a bonding bill and a tax bill," said Rep. Morrie Lanning, R-Moorhead, "it's very questionable whether there will be a vote on the stadium."

... Lanning seemed to dangle the promise of the stadium passing the Republican-controlled House -- he said there were enough votes -- but said it all depended on Dayton's willingness to agree to business tax relief and a smaller state bond package.

... The governor said Saturday that the Republicans' "view of compromise is doing things their way" and "that's just not going to work this time."

... Republicans want the elimination of the statewide business property tax, a move the governor has resisted because it could require dipping into the state's emergency budget reserves. A House-Senate conference panel nonetheless agreed late Saturday on a series of business-friendly tax provisions, including a freeze on business property taxes.

Dayton and DFLers meanwhile want a larger state bonding bill, spending that many Republicans oppose.

The Vikings stadium, which has its own set of political problems, for now seems to be caught in the middle.

No one is saying that the stadium is more important than the other issues on the table. I understand that a bonding bill is a big deal, and it has to get done before the session ends.

But this is the same group that somehow took time last week to declare a state soil. Yeah, Minnesota has a state dirt. Great.

Priorities aren't exactly a high point of politicians. They are worried about their re-elections ahead of anything else, and if they think they can put a hot-button issue off during an election year, they're going to do it almost every time.

Of course, if a stadium deal doesn't get done before the end of this session, it might be time to bury the Vikings franchise in some of that state dirt.

Vikings Might Be On Way Out

I don't think I have to remind anyone around here of my Packers fandom. I'm almost insane at times. But there are times for poking fun at rivals, and there are times for supporting them. This is a time to reach out and support a rival. The Vikings stadium situation absolutely sucks. As I noted Tuesday, the Vikings have been saying all the right things throughout this process, not dropping threats and not making it sound like the organization will move on at any point. Now, the words have gotten tougher.

Vikings vice president Lester Bagley said waiting until next year is "not an option." Bagley stopped short of threatening that the Vikings would leave Minnesota, but he said the issue must be settled in 2012. Team officials have called the Metrodome outdated and no longer profitable enough for the Vikings.

"There's no next year," Bagley said. "Our state leaders know that if we want an NFL team in this market we have to resolve this stadium issue."

The Vikings have no option but to play in the Metrodome in the 2012 season, but the team's lease in the 30-year-old facility is expired and officials have said they don't plan to renew it.

It's about time. Personally, I think the Vikings should have used the "or else" card, making it known they are willing to leave, instead of just implying it.

Despite the fact that multiple Republicans and Democrats voted against the stadium bill, House Speaker Kurt Zellers -- a Republican -- SHOCKINGLY blames this all on the DFL.

Zellers put the blame on Democrats for the setback in the House. Of the six "yes" votes, only one was a Democrat. During a four-hour hearing prior to the vote, House members raised concerns that the stadium proposal was a bad deal for taxpayers and an indefensible use of public money when the state is just starting to recover from years of budget problems.

"Now it's probably up to the governor and the Democrat leader in the House to decide if they want to go forward," Zellers said. "It was very clear last night they weren't interested in passing the bill out of committee."

Shut up.

Gov. Mark Dayton -- a Democrat -- is mad at people, even some in his own party.

Dayton said he had contact with two DFLers on the 15-member House Government Operations and Elections before Monday's meeting, and indicated that one DFLer promised to vote for the stadium but did not and that the other legislator never returned his phone call. He did not identify the two DFLers.

"I talked to one of them. He said he was going to be helpful, and wasn't," Dayton said.

Dayton might not be the best governor this state's ever had, but he's at least tried to step forward and make something happen. The problem here is Dayton can't do it himself. He's relying on people in both houses of the Legislature who are more worried about their own re-election bids than they are about being leaders and getting anything of note done. By not acting on this stadium situation -- putting it off instead of voting it completely down -- these political hacks are hoping to send a message to their constituents that they're trying to do their due diligence.

Reality is that they're afraid to make a decision because they know deciding either way will have an impact on their campaigns. It's easier to hem and haw and not say anything than it is to have the courage to take a stand and live with your decision, apparently.

Instead of voting these spineless, self-centered, worthless people out of office, the voters of the state will choose to re-elect them, buying into their bushels full of garbage about how the state is better off with them in office.

The Vikings have been waiting -- patiently, to be fair -- since 2006. They've watched the University of Minnesota and the Twins get shiny new facilities, while constantly being told to wait, and their turn will come. The Vikings are tired of waiting.

Frankly, who can blame them?

It's a reality that this team could be facing its final season in Minnesota. There are two weeks left in the legislative session. There is no indication from anyone that a special session could be in the cards should this not get done by the end of the month. There is also no indication from anyone in charge that a better day is on the horizon.

Losing this team would be a huge tragedy for its fans, the state as a whole, and also for fans of the Packers. What the hell fun would the NFC North be without the Vikings? Might it give the Packers a new division rival (no way a relocated Vikings team stays in the NFC North)? Who cares?

The Vikings-Packers rivalry is one of the best in the NFL. It's (for the most part) closely-contested, with legendary performances over the years from guys like Favre, Moss, Cunningham, Freeman, Sharper, Longwell, Rodgers, Peterson, and Ponder. Some of them have had legendary performances on both sides of the rivalry. Losing that would be a loss for Packers fans, as well as the people of Minnesota.

It's too bad the politicians charged with making decisions feel they have more important things to do than their jobs.

Minnesota Legislature Drops Ball

This might be a worse fumble than anything Adrian Peterson uncorked in his career -- before he seemingly stopped fumbling altogether.

The Minnesota House Government Operations and Gobbledegook Committee voted down the Vikings stadium bill Monday night, after some four hours of debate. The plan to build a near-$1 billion stadium near the site of the Metrodome to replace the Metrodome now goes back to the proverbial drawing board.

(Before we had drawing boards, what did we go back to? -- Steven Wright)

The Vikings are trying to say the right things, though I have to think it is becoming difficult at this point.

Lester Bagley, the Vikings' point man on the stadium push at the Capitol, said afterward that the team was "extremely disappointed" at the outcome. "I guess I would ask the state, what else would you expect us to do? What else can we do?" he said.

... Bagley said the team will continue to push the proposal in the remaining two weeks of the session. "But this is extremely disappointing, and it sends a strong message to the Vikings and the NFL about the situation," he said. He would not say whether the committee vote made the team's future in Minnesota any less secure.

My allegiances are clear. But I also maintain a semblance of common sense, unlike most politicians. This isn't about giving a billionaire (Zygi Wilf) a football stadium. Wilf is willing to put up almost half the money himself, and the state will make its share back over time, thanks to taxes paid by the team and by the players who will play games in the stadium.

(Most of you probably know this, but opposing players have to pay taxes for games they play in Minnesota. Not to mention the Vikings players do the same for their eight home games.)

Not only that, but the White Earth tribe has offered to pretty much cover the state's share. All we have to do is let them run a casino in the metro area.

(I don't want to get into a gambling debate, but I can't fathom why anyone would turn down the offer made by this tribe. The problem here is that the state is already invested in its lottery, and no one wants to do anything that could cut into the money pulled in by the state lottery. Either that, or people are afraid of this invisible backlash against gambling. You pick.)

If the unthinkable happens, and this team leaves, there will be many senators and representatives who face backlash in their districts, and it might be enough to cost some of them their jobs. If that's not bad enough, it's a virtual certainty that there would be action taken at some point to get a stadium built, and the NFL would find a way to get Minnesota another team.

What's the point? Why turn into another Cleveland, which wouldn't build a stadium for Art Modell, then suddenly found a way to get something done when the opportunity for an expansion team presented itself? Why be Houston, which lost a good franchise -- with an awesome logo -- in the Oilers, only to start over with the expansion Texans?

The Baltimore Ravens and Tennessee Titans have both been to Super Bowls. The new Browns and Texans have combined for two playoff appearances in their franchises' histories.

Yeah, that worked out well.

Just build it, Minnesota. Get a hold of your representatives and make your feelings known. Don't let them dictate the ultimate fate of your favorite football team.

Minnesota Government Shutdown Affects Many

July 1 is a Friday, and it's supposed to signal the start of a festive summer weekend. The Fourth of July is a wonderful holiday, where we celebrate our nation's independence by lighting fuses that lead to small explosions and pretty colors in the sky.

In Minnesota, however, things will be tempered a bit. Come Friday, the state's government will cease operations, barring a last-minute agreement on a state budget.

There is plenty of blame to go around, but the people most affected by the potential shutdown share exactly zero percent of the blame.

Those people are the ones who suffer, because they lose their jobs. Even if it's only temporary, it's lost income for people who don't deserve to lose their income.

The sports world isn't immune to these problems. Canterbury Park in Shakopee is facing the prospect of shutting down on its busiest weekend of the year.

While entries were being taken for Saturday's nine-race card, Ramsey County Chief Judge Kathleen Gearin ruled that oversight of horse racing is not a core government function, meaning Canterbury would have to close after Thursday night's races if the government shuts down.

But Canterbury and its horsemen have not given up, and they will get a hearing in Scott County District Court on Thursday for a temporary injunction that would keep the track open.

... In Canterbury's track kitchen, on the clocker's stand and at the racing office, most conversations Wednesday revolved around the shutdown. If it happens, Canterbury could not continue racing, because the Minnesota Racing Commission -- which regulates the sport -- would close. But the commission is fully funded by the track and its horsemen, who have paid for its services through July.

Their attorneys argue that because no public funds are involved, the track should be allowed to stay open. Canterbury President Randy Sampson said he was shocked by Gearin's decision, which stated that her authority was limited to core government functions -- and declared racing was not among those. But the ruling grants the horsemen the right to appeal, which they will do.

The reality of this situation is that our politicians continue to pass the buck, refusing to hold themselves accountable for this mess. It's a mess that's been predicted by many for months, largely because we all knew these people couldn't be trusted to provide the leadership necessary to avoid it.

While the politicians pass the buck, real people are being affected. Naturally, our politicians won't lose their jobs. They won't have to give back any of the salaries they've been stealing.

(Why do I say that? Because their primary job this year -- and they've known this since the legislative session began in January -- was to avoid a government shutdown. That was the only thing they had to do. They not only failed, but they have been half-assing the effort to avoid this shutdown. In any other line of work, such a failure to perform the very basic function of the job would result in a nearly-immediate termination. In politics, these people will actually think they're doing a good job and should be re-elected when the time comes.)

It's wholly disappointing to think about all the services that will go away for the Fourth of July weekend.

Of course, it was completely avoidable. Too bad no one was able to look beyond their own interests to actually make the effort.

Tim Pawlenty Trips On Own Rhetoric

Sunday, former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, now running for President, appeared on the always-friendly Fox News Sunday to rip fellow Republican candidate Mitt Romney.

Well, I'm sure he was there to rip the current President, because that's how Fox News Sunday rolls, but it turned into an opportunity to rip Romney. Since they're rivals for the right to lose the election earn the Republican nomination next year, Pawlenty couldn't turn down a chance to take a shot at Romney's health care plan when he was governor of Massachusetts.

Then the two appeared together for a Republican debate on CNN. Hilarity ensued, as Pawlenty tried to explain his shot. He didn't do well.

Enjoy Jon Stewart breaking down the debate.

The Daily Show - Indecision 2012 - Second Republican Debate Is a Success
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This is why you have to be careful with your rhetoric. You can hear Pawlenty backpedaling while trying to tap-dance at the same time, and he's lucky he didn't fall and hit his head. That might have required care from a doctor.

'You Wonder Sometimes How Our Government Puts On its Pants in the Morning'

Our latest "Daily Show" video comes from Tuesday's presentation, when Jon Stewart harpooned Congress for a proposed amendment to the Zadroga bill that calls for those applying for 9/11 benefits to be checked first to make sure they aren't terrorists.

Yes, they want to check the 9/11 first responders to make sure they aren't terrorists.

Meanwhile, we continue to hand benefits to tons of other people without checking to make sure they aren't terrorists. It's apparently only the first responders we're worried about.

The Daily Show - Friends Without Benefits - 9/11 Responders
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Great rant, as always.

Zadroga Bill Filibuster Shows How Broken We Are

I don't write about politics, well, ever, really. I care about this country, and I care about the people who we elect to run it. At the same time, I've become extremely jaded over the process over the last six years or so. I find us in a never-ending cycle in America.

It starts when we elect a majority into Congress. Inevitably, we'll elect that party into the White House, get pissed off, throw that majority out of Congress, and probably elect the other party into the White House. Repeat cycle.

Doesn't work every time, but it's getting close.

Why can't either party hold a majority for a significant amount of time? Because they lie to get elected, act like jackasses once they're elected, then expose themselves to the opponent in their re-election run because it was found they were full of garbage to get elected in the first place.

Once in a while, something happens that reminds us (or should remind us) of how broken and totally messed up our political system is. The most recent example is the Zadroga Bill. Held up in the Senate, this bill would provide additional health care benefits for those who served as first responders during the 9/11 attacks.

I mean, duh. Pretty simple, right.

Wrong.

As I said, it's held up in the Senate. Just despicable. Here is a piece from Thursday's Daily Show With Jon Stewart, where he talks to 9/11 first responders.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
9/11 First Responders React to the Senate Filibuster
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Just make sure you get those tax cuts passed for the wealthy, guys. Nice priorities.

Miss Him Yet?

(Minneapolis Star Tribune photo)

Let's think about that for a second.

No.

On the bright side, I won't miss the current guy when he's gone, either. I also don't think he's all that and a bag of chips. So it's really not personal, Dubya.

College Football 2009: Conference USA

This year's College Football Preview uses information gathered from many sources. As usual, my full endorsement goes to Phil Steele and his College Football Preview, which is the most comprehensive publication of its kind available. I also used The Sporting News College Football Preview, along with school websites and local newspapers, in my research for these preview posts. Please contact me ASAP if you have updated information that can be used to make this work more accurate.

EAST DIVISION
1. Southern Mississippi
2. East Carolina
3. Memphis
4. Marshall
5. Central Florida
6. UAB

WEST DIVISION
1. Houston
2. UTEP
3. Tulsa
4. SMU
5. Rice
6. Tulane

The Fab Four: Top Storylines in Conference USA

Southern Mississippi's no-huddle machine. When USM fired Jeff Bower after 17 loyal and generally productive seasons, many -- including your humble correspondent -- wondered what the hell they were thinking. Larry Fedora brought a wide-open offense to Hattiesburg, which seemed to run a bit in contrast to their talent. No worries, though, because Fedora simply started a freshmen at quarterback (Austin Davis) and wide receiver (DeAndre Brown). Obviously, Brown's gruesome leg injury and his long recovery are huge storylines, but Fedora has a year's worth of recruits now, and this offense is only going to get stronger as Davis gains more experience running it. As a freshman, he threw eight picks in 454 passes, so he's certainly got a strong foundation to build from. With two-time All-Conference USA First Team running back Damion Fletcher beside Davis, the Golden Eagles possess one of the strongest backfields in the league. If Brown is healthy and able to play, the offense is going to be insane. Without him, they should still be able to improve on the 30.6 points per game they averaged in 2006.

Can UTEP play defense? It's the $64,000 question for this year's Miners. In 2005, UTEP made it to the GMAC bowl after an eight-win season in which they allowed around 26 points per game. While the offense has been pretty steady, save for a bit of a lapse in 2006, the defense has been absolutely awful since. They have allowed 37 points per game over the last two seasons, posing a 9-15 record, and until things get better on that side of the ball, Mike Price won't take this program anywhere. Trevor Vittatoe is back to throw to the likes of Kris Adams and Jeff Moturi, and an improved running game should make for a very strong offense again this season. The defense returns seven starters, and if they can find a way to improve their front seven, things are looking up. Allowing opposing rushing attacks to gain five yards per carry won't get you to the top of the league, nor will it get you a postseason bid. New defensive coordinator Rocky Long shouldn't have to do much to field an improved unit from last year.

Year 2 better than Year 1? For SMU and June Jones, it wouldn't take much. The Mustangs were miserable in 2008, but the 1-11 finish wasn't a complete throwaway for Jones, who took a lucrative offer to move to the mainland from Hawai'i. SMU still has some serious problems on defense, but they were able to find the triggerman for Jones' run-and-shoot attack. While Bo Levi Mitchell did throw a nation-leading 23 interceptions, he also took command of a offense tough to execute without experience. Jones will cut Mitchell's interceptions and bad throws down significantly. A full offseason to work with a group of receivers that returns intact from 2008 will help, as will the increased confidence that is undoubtedly coming as Mitchell spends more time in the offense. The Mustangs averaged a non-existent 41 yards per game rushing last year, topped 100 exactly once (against Tulsa), and won't go anywhere until they get better blocking and better running. Put it all together, and Jones can find a way to keep his beleagured defense off the field. That unit allowed at least 200 yards rushing in seven of 12 games, and they got torched for over 250 passing yards six times. Ouch.

Tulsa reloads again. Paul Smith left, but the Golden Hurricane didn't miss a beat. David Johnson stepped in as a senior, tossing for over 4,000 yards and 46 touchdowns. While leading receiver Brennan Marion and Johnson are both gone, as is star back Tarrion Adams, Tulsa expects to be able to field a potent offense again this year. Junior Jacob Bower heads a three-way battle for the starting job under center, but whoever wins the job will be under the gun right away. Tulsa opens with three straight road games and four out of five. While one of those is against beatable Tulane, the others are against New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Rice, and it isn't inconceivable that the Hurricane will start 3-2 or 2-3. The good news? Tulsa has just two road games after that. Bad? Those are against UTEP and Southern Mississippi.

Best of the rest

A loaded West Division looks like a wide-open race, but Houston should be considered a serious favorite. The Cougars have all the pieces for a dominant offense, thanks to quarterback Case Keenum, sophomore running back Bryce Beall, and receivers like L.J. Castile, Tyron Carrier, and Patrick Edwards. The three receivers (two of whom are sophomores) combined for over 150 receptions and more than 2,000 yards in 2008. ... Rice won a school-record ten games last year, but will fall off notably this season. Starting quarterback Chase Clement and top receivers Jarrett Dillard and James Casey (combined 198 catches for over 2,600 yards and 33 touchdowns in 2008) are all gone. While nine starters are back on defense, the Owls will need to allow a lot less than 33 points per game if they are to post another winning season. ... Bob Toledo is just spinning his wheels at Tulane. A 6-18 record over two years highlights virtually no on-field progress. The Green Wave continue to struggle on both sides of the ball, and while there is some nice young talent, Toledo appears to still be a year or two from leading the Green Wave to bowl contention. ... Off a nine-win season, East Carolina is in position for bigger and better things. What should be a season-long battle with USM for the East Division title could come down to a Nov. 28 meeting in Greenville. Roadies to West Virginia, North Carolina, Memphis, and Tulsa will test ECU before that big game. Senior quarterback Patrick Pinkney will look for a big season to close out his career with the Pirates. ... Just 16-31 in four years, Mark Snyder is in a bit of trouble at Marshall. Thundering Herd fans have come to expect more out of this program, which hasn't been to a bowl since 2004. He has to solve his team's quarterback problem before that will happen. The Herd were not good there in 2008, and we'll see if junior Brian Anderson can win the job and play well this season. ... If they can survive the always-tough non-conference schedule and an insane Conference USA schedule rotation, Memphis could be a surprise contender. Expect the Tigers to field one of the better secondaries in the league, led by senior safety Alton Starr and free safety DeRon Furr, an Auburn transfer. Not only does Memphis get Mississippi and Tennessee in non-conference play, but they also have to deal with Houston, Tulsa, and UTEP from the CUSA West Division. ... Central Florida's defense wasn't the problem last year. An offense that averaged 230 total yards and just 16.6 points per game was. Finding some sort of way to score points will be huge for UCF. They lose some talented guys from the defense, including cornerback Joe Burnett, but they do have nine starters back on offense, including all the skill-position talent. ... UAB fans should be treated to a better product this season, even if it doesn't translate to a lot of wins. Neil Callaway is in his third year, and now has a ton of his own talent to work with. Quarterback Joe Webb has to cut down on his mistakes, and it would help if they found more ways to get running back Rashaud Slaughter the ball.

Conference USA Preseason Honors and Notables
Offensive Player of the Year: Case Keenum, QB, Houston
Defensive Player of the Year: Eddie Hicks, S, Southern Mississippi
Coach of the Year: Mike Price, UTEP
Coach on the Hot Seat: Mark Snyder, Marshall
Best non-conference game: Texas Tech at Houston, September 26
Worst non-conference game: Sam Houston State at Tulsa, September 26

LIPSTICK ON A PIG: SARAH PALIN IS BACK

Nothing drives me crazier than fake outrage. In this particular case, the Republican establishment is lining up outside CBS headquarters with their torches.

Sometimes, it goes the other way.

You see, everyone out there gets mad for no reason at least once in their lives. Remember the "lipstick on a pig" bit? People were really mad over it, even though it obviously had nothing to do with Sarah Palin.

Palin's return to the news comes courtesy of a David Letterman Top Ten list. Enjoy.



The "slutty flight attendant" line was a 500-foot home run to dead-center field.

Palin got pissed. Big shock.

But the diciest joke centered on the family attending a Yankees baseball game.

Letterman said "an awkward moment" occurred for Palin when, "during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by (Yankee third baseman) Alex Rodriguez."

Without naming her, the joke seemed to refer to Palin's 18-year-old daughter Bristol, an unwed mother.

But it was 14-year-old daughter Willow, not Bristol, who had been at the game.

Todd Palin issued a statement that said "any 'jokes' about raping my 14-year-old are despicable."

And Sarah Palin charged Letterman with "sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity."

Letterman responded Wednesday night.



Perfectly played, sir. That's why Letterman rules late night.

Let's make a list of things David Letterman did NOT do in these jokes.

1. Call Sarah Palin a slut.
2. Joke about ARod "knocking up" her 14-year-old daughter

If you're incapable of understanding these jokes and their proper context, you shouldn't be watching Letterman. In fact, it would probably help you to not watch any television or read anything on the internet.

Maybe Palin will someday understand this while she stares at Russia from the big window in the governor's mansion.