Georges Laraque: Actor, Singer, Worst Hockey Pitchman Ever?

NHL enforcer Georges Laraque has been off the ice for most of this season. He played in 29 games for the Montreal Canadiens before being told his services weren't required. Since he had a no-trade clause (how the hell does Georges Laraque get a no-trade clause?), the Canadiens simply paid him to stay away from them.

Apparently, Laraque has been putting his time away to good use. He's honed up on his performing arts skills.

Kind of.



This might be one of the worst commercials involving a hockey player you'll ever see.

Sadly, "might" is as strong as we can get. Unfortunately, cheesy commercials are an epidemic among pro athletes, especially -- it seems -- hockey players.

Take Pittsburgh Penguin Max Talbot, who's done a series of them. Here's the best.

Ahem, worst.



Then there's this gem from a real "superstar," Washington's Alex Ovechkin.



Ovechkin's singing actually spawned a hilarious spoof put together by the Atlanta Thrashers.



Hockey players ... doing BAD commercials.

Oh, do I ever mean "bad."

Laraque joins a pretty large club. He's not the first, and he won't be the last.

2010 FIFA World Cup: France

We preview the 2010 FIFA World Cup, set for June 11-July 11 in South Africa.

FRANCE
Appearance: 13th, fourth consecutive
Last time there: 2006 (lost in final)
Best performance: Champion (1998)

Of the "elite" nations in this tournament, there is not a more unpredictable side than France. Winners in 1998, they slumped to a first-round exit in 2002, backed by an improbable opening upset by Senegal.

Then in 2006, they dazzled at times, making the final before losing to Italy on penalty kicks. It seemed the France of 1998 was back again.

Qualifying for 2010, though, proved quite an adventure. After finishing second in their group to Serbia (?), France had to beat Ireland in a playoff to advance to South Africa. During extra time of the second leg, Thierry Henry's obvious (and inexplicably uncalled) handball led directly to the winning goal, and France was through to South Africa.

So which team will show up? The one that won it all in 1998 and was runner-up in 2006, or the one that lost to Senegal and almost didn't qualify for this year?

One thing is certain: Coach Raymond Domenech has a year's worth of criticism to lean on as he prepares and motivates his team for this tournament. If they're not fired up to prove the world wrong in their "They don't belong" contentions about France, nothing will ever fire this team up.

Henry leads the offensive charge. It might seem like he's played forever, but he's only 32. Nicolas Anelka is a nice complimentary forward. The midfield includes Yoann Gourcuff, who will play a similar style to former star Zinedine Zidane. Manchester United stalwart Patrice Evra is the top defender on the team. Hugo Lloris is one of the top young goalkeepers in Europe.

The draw is harder than it might look for Les Bleus. Mexico has to be considered a group favorite, given their pedigree, talent, and the coaching of Javier Aguirre. South Africa is the host, and they are trying to keep the long streak going (no host nation has ever failed to advance out of the first round). Uruguay can cause trouble if you aren't focused.

Schedule
June 11 vs. Uruguay (Cape Town)
June 17 vs. Mexico (Polokwane)
June 22 vs. South Africa (Bloemfontein)

2010 FIFA World Cup: England

We preview the 2010 FIFA World Cup, set for June 11-July 11 in South Africa.

ENGLAND
Appearance: 13th, fourth consecutive
Last time there: 2006, lost in quarterfinals
Best performance: Champion (1966)

There might not be a bigger glamour team than England. That's not to say they are incapable of hard-nosed soccer, but instead it's more a nod to their heritage and pedigree in the sport, and the big names that play for them.

The fact this team failed to qualify for Euro 2008, and has missed the World Cup as recently as 1994, well, that should only serve as motivation.

Still seeking their first trip to the championship game since their last title back in 1966, England again presents a challenging group that will likely contend.

However, injuries could sink them. Forward Wayne Rooney has been banged up. Veteran midfielder David Beckham -- the biggest name in the sport -- is out with a ruptured Achilles. Defender John Terry hurt his foot in training with his club team -- Barclay's Premier League champion Chelsea -- just this week.

Three key players at key positions, and while two of them might play, we don't know for sure now.

This is a solid side, even without those three guys. Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole will protect aging goalkeeper David James. Ferdinand's size makes him a force on set pieces at the other end of the field. Cole is as close to a sure thing as you'll find in the back of any team's lineup. No Beckham, but the English still have Frank Lampard in the midfield, along with Steven Gerrard and Michael Carrick. I'd say they'll do just fine there. Up front, Rooney and Emile Heskey should get some support from tweener Theo Walcott and veteran Peter Crouch.

The 2007 loss to Croatia that cost England a berth in Euro 2008 was the last nail in Steve McClaren's coaching coffin. Italian Fabio Capello is the head coach now, and the highly successful club team mentor knows his team has a ton of pressure on it in South Africa.

The perception is that Group B is a one-horse race, that Team USA has no shot against England. That might not be right, but even if it is, Algeria could be a tough opponent, and Slovenia isn't likely to just play dead for everyone else, even if it is their first World Cup. England will have to play well to get through this draw unscathed, but they are practically a shoo-in to qualify for the knockout phase, no matter what happens with their group-mates.

Schedule
June 12 vs. United States (Rustenburg)
June 18 vs. Algeria (Cape Town)
June 23 vs. Slovenia (Port Elizabeth)

Pole Vaulter Disqualified Due to ... Yes, Really ... Friendship Bracelet

The things people who coach kids will do to gain a competitive advantage just make me sick sometimes.

A prime example of that is this story out of California. At a high school track meet, with the league title on the line, the deciding points were determined by ...

A friendship bracelet.

I swear I'm not making this up.

A high school senior was disqualified from this meet in Pasadena because she wore a friendship bracelet while she did the pole vault.

... the visiting girls team from Monrovia High was seeking its first-ever Rio Hondo League title against longtime powerhouse South Pasadena High.

With the teams separated by a few points and only the pole vault remaining, Monrovia needed a second-place finish in the event to secure the victory and obtain the title. Both teams gathered around the pole vault pit, loudly celebrating and agonizing over every clearance and miss. Although South Pasadena's Rachel Ma led at 7-feet-6, two Monrovia girls had cleared 7-feet to give their team the lead.

But South Pasadena's best vaulter, Robin Laird, had not competed yet. Now she stood at the top of the runway, preparing for her first vault of the long day -- an attempt at 7-feet-6 that could win the event, the meet and the league title. The crowd fell silent. A crosswind was blowing. Laird began to sprint down the runway through the gauntlet of spectators, but suddenly stopped; something didn't feel right.

"I was feeling nervous," she would later say, "because the whole league championship was on the line."

Laird walked back to the top of the runway, gained her composure, then took off again. This time everything was in sync. She planted the pole, lifted herself into the air and soared easily over the bar to give her team a 66-61 victory. While half the crowd cheered and the other half groaned, Monrovia coach Mike Knowles reacted by pointing to his wrist and gesturing toward Laird, who was wearing a thin, colorful string bracelet.

Knowles justified his decision to tattle by pointing out that he's coached the sport for 30-some years and knows the rules.

Opposing coach P.J. Hernandez doesn't dispute the ruling, but he seems to think there was some gamesmanship at work here.

"Mike Knowles was down by the pole vault pit, kind of waiting and sitting there, keeping an eye on our girl, waiting for her to attempt the vault and then make the call, " said Hernandez. "I am upset that he wanted to win so badly that he would do it that way. We feel sportsmanship is important, too, and that it is in question with him in this situation."

When is it okay for a drive and desire to win to take over for common sense and good sportsmanship?

No one argues that this rule doesn't exist or wasn't properly applied.

(It can be argued, however, that this is a really stupid rule. A blanket rule about jewelry probably is the easy way out for a high school sports league, but reality is that there are no competitive or safety concerns involved with a piece of string on someone's wrist. The blanket rule is understandable, but about as necessary as a batting glove for a tee-ball player.)

Later in the article, Knowles is quoted as insisting he didn't notice the bracelet until after the gal had cleared the meet-winning jump, and he "didn't want to have to do it."

Only in your warped, over-competitive mind, Coach Knowles, did you have to do anything. There was no obligation to "do the right thing" and tattle on Laird. In fact, the right thing to do would have been to keep your mouth shut until you had a chance to shake the winning coach's hand.

At that point, you kindly mention something like:

"I noticed your last pole vaulter jumped while wearing a friendship bracelet. I just want you to know that any jewelry on a competitor is grounds for disqualification as per Section 3, Article 3 of the National Federation of State High School Associations. I didn't have the heart to do it, but understand that even in high school sports, some coaches are over-competitive jackasses who will stop at nothing to win, even if it means tattling on a teenager for wearing a piece of string on her wrist. Congratulations to you and your team on a well-deserved win today."

That way, you address the issue without breaking the hearts of a bunch of people who had no clue.

Everyone learns a lesson, and your team learns the most important rule of all:

Just because you have a chance to gain a competitive advantage doesn't mean you should do it.

2010 FIFA World Cup: Denmark

We preview the 2010 FIFA World Cup, set for June 11-July 11 in South Africa.

DENMARK
Appearance: Fourth
Last time there: 2002 (lost in second round)
Best performance: Quarterfinals (1998)

It might be considered a bit of a surprise that the Danes are in the finals. Their qualifying group in UEFA included flashy Portugal and gritty Sweden. While Portugal eventually qualified, Sweden was left home, thanks in large part to Denmark's sweep of their two head-to-head matches.

Denmark was a bit on the iffy side in qualifying, sweeping Sweden, winning 3-2 at Portugal, and drawing with Albania.

The obvious underdogs in Group E, Denmark will be ready to play, and it's unlikely they'll be deterred by their status. As coach Morten Olsen told World Soccer, "No one gave us a hope of topping a qualifying group containing Portugal and Sweden."

Surely, Denmark can manage more people betting against them, as they will with Holland and Cameroon in their World Cup group.

The Danes sport a formidable goalkeeper in Thomas Sorensen, who plays for England's Stoke City. It's no coincidence that Stoke had a good season in the Premier League, because Sorensen can play.

Soren Larsen led with five goals in qualifying, but Jakob Poulsen and Thomas Kahlenberg scored the biggest goals, giving Denmark their matching 1-0 wins over neighboring Sweden. Midfielder Christian Poulsen is a big key to Denmark's ability to possess the ball.

Opponents will also have to watch out for Nicklas Bendtner, who tallied three times in nine qualifying matches.

The draw doesn't look favorable, but it would be unwise to count Denmark out.

Schedule
June 14 vs. Holland (Johannesburg -- Soccer City)
June 19 vs. Cameroon, Pretoria
June 24 vs. Japan, Rustenburg

AMSOIL Arena

The DECC expansion finally has a name.

Tuesday morning, it was announced that Amsoil, a local manufacturer of synthetic lubricants, has agreed to purchase the naming rights for the new building.

The deal, for $6 million for 20 years, means the arena that houses UMD hockey starting in December will be called AMSOIL Arena.

Here is the press release:

Thanks to the generosity of a locally-based national corporation, the Duluth Entertainment Convention Center’s addition won’t simply be called “the new arena” when it opens this December. It will be called AMSOIL Arena.

On May 11, 2010 the DECC Board approved awarding naming rights for the new facility to AMSOIL INC., a world leading manufacturer of synthetic lubricants and a major Twin Ports employer.

“Throughout the planning and construction process, the DECC Board has always sought ways to make this great new arena even greater for residents of the entire region,” said Mark Emmel, the DECC's board chair. “One important way of doing that is through a naming rights agreement, and we wanted to team up with a company that’s local, has a reach far beyond this area, and has a reputation for excellence. AMSOIL not only met but greatly exceeded all of those criteria, and we’re looking forward to an exciting, long term relationship with them.”

Albert J. Amatuzio, AMSOIL’s founder, president and CEO, said a partnership with the DECC is a perfect fit.

“Although AMSOIL produces products that are used throughout the world, the vast majority of our employees live and work right here in the Twin Ports. This is our home,” said Amatuzio.

“We’re honored to be associated with a facility that is so critical to the community’s economy and image.

AMSOIL Executive Vice Presidents Alan Amatuzio and Dean Alexander echoed that sentiment.

“We have worked closely with the DECC for many years and have established a great relationship,” said Alan Amatuzio. “I think both sides of this partnership realized from the start that this was a good opportunity for everyone, and that includes the entire region.”

“We’re proud to be involved,” said Alexander. “We’ve had many opportunities throughout the years to relocate the company but have chosen to stay here. We’re committed to the area, and our decision to step up and do this deal reflects that commitment.”

The agreement calls for the DECC to receive $6 million over a 20 year term.

One way AMSOIL’s investment will enhance AMSOIL Arena is that it will provide funding that allows the arena to achieve the LEED Gold Standard, making AMSOIL Arena only the second in the nation with this important designation for environmental responsibility. AMSOIL’s funding will also allow the DECC to update AMSOIL Arena as upgrades are needed in coming years.

Great news, in that a local company stepped up and made this happen.

The building is still coming along quite nicely, and should be more than ready for the opening events at the end of the year.

UMD Softball Qualifies For NCAA Regional

Good news for one of our local spring sports teams. The UMD softball team made the NCAA Division II regionals.

Here is the info from UMD:

For the fourth time in school history and the second time in Jen Banford's five-year head coaching tenure, the University of Minnesota Duluth has secured a berth in the NCAA Division II softball playoffs.

The Bulldogs, who have won six of their last eight games and own a 32-15 overall record, are among 64 teams chosen to compete in the 2010 event and will begin play this Friday (May 14) in the Central Regional in Wayne, Neb. UMD and host Wayne State College (40-12), which captured last weekend's Northern Sun Intercollegiate Sun Conference Tournament, are scheduled to meet in one first round matchup while the other will feature another pair of NSIC rivals -- Augustana College (42-10) and Concordia University-St. Paul (34-15). The winner of the three-day double-elimination tourney will meet the champion from the other Central Regional bracket. which is comprised of host Metropolitan State College (Denver), Mesa State College, Minnesota State University-Mankato and Winona State University, in a best two-of-three Super Regional series the following weekend (May 21-22). The NCAA II Championships are set for May 27-31 in St. Joseph, Mo.

UMD and Wayne State traded wins in their only two meetings of 2010 with the host Wildcats taking the opener 2-1 before the Bulldogs rebounded with a 4-2 victory on April 25. UMD was 0-2 versus Augustana College this spring and 1-2 against Concordia-St. Paul.

The Bulldogs also advanced to NCAA postseason play in 2007, 2002 and 1996 and made three appearances in the NAIA National Tournament (1991, 1990 and 1988).

You don't think of the Twin Ports as an area where spring sports teams can thrive. However, St. Scholastica has very successful baseball and softball programs, and UWS' baseball program is waking up after a long dry spell.

(Worth noting: the CSS softball team won their 14th UMAC title Sunday, beating Northland College in the championship game. Their season is over, but next year, the UMAC champion will finally get an automatic bid to the NCAA Division III tourney.)

2010 FIFA World Cup: Chile

We preview the 2010 FIFA World Cup, set for June 11-July 11 in South Africa.

CHILE
Appearance: Eighth
Last time there: 1998 (lost in second round)
Best performance: Semi-finals (1962)

This is a tough nut to crack.

On paper, Chile appears to have what it takes to contend in group play. They're going to play tough defense, and they'll put up a prideful effort.

However, there is a problem. Chile is known for lacking discipline at times, and they were given a hellaciously difficult group draw, stuck with perennial power Spain, emerging Switzerland, and a Honduras team that should be proven quite dangerous in this tournament.

FIFA ranks them in the middle of the World Cup pack, and it seems as if they can find a way out of this group. Or maybe not.

Captain Claudio Bravo is the goalkeeper. He's 27, so just entering his prime. If he plays his cards right, and Chile keeps contending out of South America, he could have two more Cups in him after this one. The key will be his play, coupled with the defensive play in front of him. Gary Medel owns the nickname "Pit Bull," and he will have to play like one in this tournament. A team short on size and stature will lean on him a lot.

Matias Fernandez is the key playmaker on offense, but this team's ability to finish is somewhat questionable. They need forward Humberto Suazo to score, and not stop at just once. If he's a factor offensively, Chile has a fair chance of advancing.

Chile are underdogs, undoubtedly, as is Honduras in this group. However, neither should be considered a pushover. The Chilean team has some creativity up front, will be tough from the goal out, and benefits from being one of the more overlooked South American sides.

Schedule
June 16 vs. Honduras (Nelspruit)
June 21 vs. Switzerland (Port Elizabeth)
June 25 vs. Spain (Pretoria)

Associated Press' Duty: Strip Cheater Brian Cushing of Award

The NFL does not hand out the major postseason awards recognized by The Associated Press. The AP does. It's their members -- their chosen panel -- who vote on the honors.

While the league might enjoy having a hand in such matters, they really don't. So when it's time to look at who the awards were given to and hand out criticisms, most people blindly blame the league while not understanding the process that decides the winners.

Houston Texans linebacker Brian Cushing won NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year honors in 2009. And no one questioned the vote. After all, Cushing was a Pro Bowl selection as a rookie, and he tied for the AFC lead with 133 tackles. Them's some impressive credentials for a first-year pro.

However, Cushing's past caught up to him along the way. Last year, before he was drafted, rumors of the use of performance-enhancing drugs clouded Cushing's draft status. He boldly proclaimed he wasn't "that kind of guy," and Houston bought the act.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Now, the Texans are left to pay for their faith in Cushing, who was suspended four games Friday for violating the NFL's policy on performance-enhancing drugs.

Guess he might be that kind of guy after all.

ESPN reports the test he failed was actually taken last September, and the matter was stuck in appeal since then.

The article also notes an NFL rule that bans players who test positive for PEDs from playing in the Pro Bowl, so Cushing won't be eligible to go to Hawai'i, no matter how well he plays in 2010.

Sports Illustrated's Peter King, as well plugged-in and knowledgeable as any scribe who covers the sport, has some harsh words for Cushing in Monday's MMQB.

Cushing admitting that he appealed the positive test in February makes it virtually certain that he derived benefit from whatever illegal substance he took during his rookie season. And if this suspension is the result of a positive test at any point during the 2009 season, I'm in favor of stripping him of the defensive rookie of the year award and giving it to second-place finisher Jairus Byrd of Buffalo.

FanHouse colleague Dan Graziano blasted Cushing -- who acknowledged the suspension but refused to admit using steroids -- in a Saturday piece.

Really? We're expected to believe this? Again? Nearly every athlete who's ever tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs has fed us the same garbage story. Nothing about Cushing's denial is believable or even original. He's just another cheater who got caught and refuses to fess up, hiding behind an overrated NFL drug policy that's not transparent enough to tell us whether he's telling the truth or not.

Because the league's drug policy doesn't allow it to reveal the substance for which Cushing tested positive, we are left with his word, which in this case is worth less than the test tube that held his tainted urine. You can believe Cushing if you want, but if you do then you're the kind of person who's going to be surprised the next time this same exact thing happens with your favorite player and fall for that player's story even though it's the same one you've heard time and time again.

The rest of us are tired of this. We're waiting for somebody who gets caught cheating to actually stand up and say, "Yeah. Sorry. I cheated. I took a drug that I'm not allowed to take. I did it because I thought it would give me an advantage in the game I play for a living. I knew it was wrong, and I didn't think I'd get caught, but I did and now I have to take my punishment like a grown man."

Dan notes that some have admitted to taking stuff for their own benefit. Others have admitted to taking PEDs, but not for the reason of gaining an advantage. They used the tired excuse of "needing to recover from an injury," instead.

Reality is that the AP -- given ESPN's report, which came courtesy of insider Adam Schefter -- has no choice here. They must strip Cushing of his award and offer the honor to Byrd.

Of course, if I were Byrd, I'd have a bit of a hard time accepting. No, it's not out of sympathy for Cushing, who made his own bed here and must be punished for his misdeeds. Instead, it just has to be awkward accepting a pretty big honor so far after the fact.

(Never said I wouldn't accept it ... just that it would feel weird.)

Frankly, the AP is making a bigger statement if they honor someone. Vacating the award doesn't mean as much, compared to actually handing the award to the second-place finisher.

And the AP owes the league, the players who choose to avoid PEDs, and the writers who work hard to fairly fill out their ballots every year. They owe us all an award that goes to a proper recipient, as opposed to the all-too-typical guy who chooses to cut corners and take things he knows he can get in trouble for taking.

Cushing is the worst kind of pro athlete. Not only is he a cheat, but he's a liar. He's willing to lie to potential employers, denying rumors and speculation about his off-field habits that obviously carried more weight than he acknowledged before the 2009 draft. He's willing to lie to a thriving, boisterous fan base that just wants a winner in a great, fertile football area. He's willing to lie to teammates, coaches, owners, media types, and league officials.

Even now, after he got caught with his hand (buttocks?) in the cookie jar, Cushing refuses to admit to anything. Instead of fessing up, admitting he cut corners and took PEDs, but will now vow to lead a clean life and educate other young players about the dangers of PEDs and the fact that -- you know -- they're against the rules, Cushing continues to dig himself a hole.

These guys have out-of-control egos that we continue to feed on a weekly basis. It's why they take the crap in the first place, and moreover why they don't bother to admit any wrongdoing when they get caught.

It's always an accident, a tainted sample, a false positive, a misunderstanding, or recovery from an injury.

In this case, Cushing should lose more than four games' pay. It's not enough to make this guy wear the badge for the rest of his career. Go back and take away the award he "earned" under false pretenses. Give it to the guy who really earned it, and also managed to pass his drug test.

2010 FIFA World Cup: Cameroon

We preview the 2010 FIFA World Cup, set for June 11-July 11 in South Africa.

CAMEROON
Appearance: Fifth
Last time there: 2002, exited in first round
Best performance: Quarterfinals (1990)

The "Indomitable Lions" are back after missing the finals in 2006. This is the same kind of team they fielded in 2002, one that many thought could be a darkhorse in the tournament. That team was taken out by a loss to Germany in the last round of group play.

They're as inconsistent as anyone in the field, matching occasionally dazzling play with struggles against lesser foes like Togo and Morocco in qualifying play.

If players like Samuel Eto'o can score with any kind of regularity, Cameroon should be in decent shape. Achille Emana and Geremi can make plays in the midfield (Geremi is lethal on set pieces).

Reality is that Cameroon has all the weapons they need to create offense and score goals. The issue is defending. They have to find a way to slow down opponents and keep the ball out of their end of the pitch. If they find a way to control possession, Cameroon could be a real threat.

Cameroon should also benefit from being in their home continent. World Soccer's Mark Gleeson noted in their magazine preview that Cameroon will have a large backing from the local fans in South Africa, as they were the first country to play an international match in South Africa after apartheid was ended.

The draw is somewhat favorable, as Denmark isn't known for their creativity and Japan look to be a bit of a pushover in this group. The match with Holland that finishes up group play will be just as big as the match against Germany eight years ago.

Schedule
June 14 vs. Japan (Bloemfontein)
June 19 vs. Denmark (Pretoria)
June 24 vs. Holland (Cape Town)